Me: Go find your real dad!
Simon: You are my real dad!
Me: GO HOME!
Simon: This is my home.
Me: Go to the Moon!
Simon: No. The moon is not my home.
Me: It might be, you might be an alien. Have you ever considered that? How do you know you’re not an alien?
Simon: Because I am annoying, and aliens are not annoying. Plus aliens aren’t named Simon.